I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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