ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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