we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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