who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
