yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize