My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
