god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize