I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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