She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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