I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
