He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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