I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You took a bar mat shot.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
