I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
