I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
