i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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