I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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