Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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