Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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