Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
