look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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