that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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