after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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