just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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