batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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