you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
