I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
