i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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