I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
my liver is dry heaving
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
