I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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