nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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