I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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