Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
