based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
