thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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