I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
