I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
