The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The air was thick with penises
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
