You really coming over, don't trick.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
