I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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