All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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