your parents love me but you hate me
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
