We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
