I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
