I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
