Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
