Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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