How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
