You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
this hospital has no fireball
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
