I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
