Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize