I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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