I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize