The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
