I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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