chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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