Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
