i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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