sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
