When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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