how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
