I think I am morally bankrupt
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
