tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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