Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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