you win again, gameday.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
