My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The uberlube is also flammable
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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