I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
