you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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