Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
