yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
