those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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