Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
