awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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