piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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