he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
