dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
