I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
