His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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