remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
