Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
