it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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