I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
