You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
