The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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