did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize