those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
