so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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