I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm really into asian looking animals
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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