She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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