thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize