this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
His nipple licking is glorious
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