I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
