I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Randomize
