I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
