i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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