just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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