in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize