he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
