my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
