omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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