in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
