he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
