So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
