everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
